|
|
The Zero Room
Candidate 5: Adam Hodgson
Gatekeeper: Colin Brockley
Setting
The Kinda jungle. The worst studio set ever. Medals to the cast for keeping straight faces. Needs a Kinda' Magic!
OK, but in a story with THAT snake, you criticise the set designer? No Entry.
Costume
The Sixth Doctor's outfit. A colour scheme devise during a very bad LSD trip by eyes that operate on different wavelengths to normal human eyes. Blinded By The Sight!
Yes, well it is easy to mock, is it not? In fact with that outfit it is almost impossible not to! But it did provide vital work experience for the Colurblind Tailors Association, so I cannot let it in, I'm afraid.
Music
The Sea Devils' music. Obtrusive, inappropriate electronic twangs that were neither incidental, nor music. Passable for Skaro maybe, but not 1970s Earth. Music that hits the depths!
Yes, but it was so far ahead of its time that, that, that it was crap. In, obviously.
Monster
The Myrka. Die laughing when you see it, because it ain't going to kill you any other way. Slower than a Fendahleen, less menacing than an apple. Myrka Smyrka!
Alright, it's a fair cop. The Props department jsut thought that, as they'd been so cool on Rentaghost, they couldn't possibly fail on a less demanding show like Doctor Who. Oops, there it goes into the Zero Room...
Actor
So many candidates, but I will settle for Gian Whizzkid Sammarco. The snotty little kid should be strangled, stuffed and fed to the Myrka. Bring back Adric!
No, sorry, but Gian was actually rather effective as a satire on how a certain segment of fandom (Ian Levine) was behaving at the time. Next.
Effect
The Action Man tank from Robot. Even Dinky toys could look more convincing. What tanker was responsible?
As Barry Letts' greatest fan (not!) I can only agree. Burn the bugger (the tank, that is, not Barry: I may not like his work, but that would be a bit extreme.
Cliffhanger
Dragonfire episode one. Pointless, pathetic, mindlessly contrived and degrading to the series.
That's no way to talk about Bonnie Langford! As for the (literal) cliffhanger, the conception and filming were fine, it was in the editing that McCoy's raison d'etre was lost (unfortunately not his accent). No excuse, though, so in it goes.
Miscellany
The Ultimate Foe. The Ultimate Cocked Up End To An Otherwise Excellent Season, more like.
Or TUCUETAOES as we all know it. a close call, I was with you right up until the words 'Excellent Season'. OK, Ultimate Foe was the worst, but Mysterious Planet was also pretty dire, and don't get me started on the third-rate Agatha Christie rip-off that was Terror of the Vervoids. No, I would happily have thrown the whole of Trial in, but to single out one part gives the others a respectability that they hardly deserve. Sorry.
So, Adam, at the end of the show you have successfully added the Myrka, The Sea Devils music, an unconvincing tank and Dragonfire 1 to the dank environs of The Zero Room. You take home with you a nauseating coat, a rather sorry jungle, Gian Sammarco and The Ultimate Foe. The mind boggles...
Back to 
Home Page
